


Giving in

by neerapen



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Angst and Feels, Internal Conflict, Introspection, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 17:58:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7584304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neerapen/pseuds/neerapen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not a single one of these facts is going to become part of Lavi's heart.<br/>Or so it should be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Giving in

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Cedendo](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7529533) by [neera (neerapen)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neerapen/pseuds/neera). 



> This fic was initially written for HMirai, who is to blame for everything.
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy it!

The stars in the sky shine with the softest light, scattered among white clouds of blue and purple outlines. Every so often a black dart rushes across the sky, chasing something it will probably eat for the night, leaving Lavi on the cold ground, motionless while he thinks about the past day, memorizing every one of its details.

Slowly, going backwards in time he looks at every single happening he experienced. He collects every nuance of them, making them his own and archiving them as more or less important. The day opens in front of him like the infinite sky, sprinkled with particularities and common things: each one shines in its own way, with varying importance, but all marked in his memory. Smiles of those who should have just a name and nothing else related to them, words that will affect only those who will listen to Lavi. Not a single one of these facts is going to become part of Lavi's heart.

Or so it should be.

The list of facts and happenings is long and full of memories and recollections ready to turn into history.

But would it be a sin to keep for himself a few details of a hidden war?

A word with a friend, a joke with a comrade, a hand that touches another, then backs away as the cold veil of death. Another one stops, joins him with a word and a joke, taking Lavi by the throat and slamming him with his whole body against the reality of what is happening. But not with strength, never with violence. Lavi finds himself wishing  that it was so, but that one variable in the story he is writing refuses to.  
No, violence lies in the way in which his stomach churns to remember, in the way the heart that should not feel anything misses a beat, bringing a thrill that barely differs from panic.

Someone sighs near him, around what little remains of the fire, calling Lavi back to the present. No one seems to be awake and the space around them is quiet, as a clearing in the middle of the night can be.

The leaves rustle gently with the night breeze, the branches of the trees paint the same shadows, slightly shifted to some degree. There are no particular changes in comparison with what Lavi recorded half an hour before. Maybe just a few movements of Jean, the Finder who accompanies them. Krory continues to sleep still, as if he lacks the strength to do anything else, but with his mouth half open, like the Innocence wants to watch over him.

Lavi shakes his head, erases that idea without proper foundations from his mind and turns to look at Allen. He is motionless, but Lavi feels the rampant panic inside of him growing as the water of a river in flood, leaving behind a dry throat and an impossible desire.

"I wish I could give in," are the words that escape Lavi's lips; vainly he reaches for his hand to cover a mouth that has already betrayed him.

Allen turns to him like a moth to the fire, and the only things that Lavi can now remember from the past day are fair eyelashes closed on eyes that ask him every day the same question.

A question that will never receive an answer, leaving behind two hearts torn to shreds.


End file.
